Heartbroken.

I like many others are still grieving over the Sandy Hook tragedy. 

Oh Lord Jesus we need you.
 Those precious children.  I can't think of them without crying. I pray you comfort those families.
Fill their broken hearts with peace and love only you can provide.
I pray that people are brought closer to you despite all of this. 

I find myself staring at my precious 5 year old girl and wishing I could hide all the bad in the world from her.
 I can't stop hugging her and my little boy. 

Every night I pray over them that they will always follow Jesus and love others.
That's really what's most important.

Psalm 34:18 

"The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves the crushed spirit."

My Testimony

God has laid it on my heart to share my story. 

My blog has been up for years and I've never told my testimony. 

 I grew up in church. My parents are both Christians. My mother had a rough childhood. She has never shared that much of it with my sisters and I but the things I know have brought me to tears. (Go here to read my mother's blog. She is better with words than me)

I'm so thankful for the bus rides to church my mother took to Sunday School as a little girl. Because that little girl grew up to have 4 daughters that are believers in Christ. I felt God's presence at a very young age. I was 5 years old when I asked Jesus into my heart. When I was 10 years old I got baptized along with my sister Jordan. I loved going to church and memorizing bible verses. I would talk openly with friends at school about Jesus and invite them to church with me.

 Once I hit high school it was hard for me to connect with the Lord. I struggled like every teenager does with wanting to fit in, wanting to be pretty, get a boyfriend...But I continued to go to church and be involved with my youth group. I was going through the motions just to please my parents. I was the oldest of 4 girls so if I ever missed church I was in trouble! My parents wanted me to set a good example for my sisters. I'm sure from the outside it looked like I had my priorities straight. I could still feel the Holy Spirit  but I put my walk with the Lord on hold.

I spent a lot of time with a way too serious boyfriend. Then I got another serious boyfriend. Then I hit 21 and decided I was going to live my life like a twenty-something should. I worked as an Esthetician Mon-Fri then went dancing in clubs or bars on the weekend. (not that I'm against those things but I was living only for me.) My best friends were married and my sisters were busy with school. I think being lonely led me to hang out with people I knew I shouldn't be around. Then I received some bad news that caused a lot of heartache. I felt so angry at God. I sought out the wrong kind of attention. Made some bad decisions.

When I was 22 I met my husband. After just 8 months of dating I was pregnant with Violet. I was in a bit of shock. How was I going to tell my family? Would Matt be happy? Would he stay? But I wasn't afraid. I always wanted to be a Mother. I could see God changing me with this pregnancy. I prayed for my baby every day that God would help me to raise him or her to love Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I was thankful for this blessing in disguise. I had been in a a selfish rut for years. My daughter brought me back to the Lord. Well, really the Holy Spirit pulled me back. Violet was like a wake-up call for me. I felt like a different person. My relationships with my mom & family changed for the better. I'm so thankful that God loves me and didn't leave my side during those hard years. I've seen God change & soften my husband's heart. I have a conviction now that I had been ignoring. 

Now I strive to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord.

"That if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead,  you will be saved." Romans 10:9


"Jesus said to him , "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

Hosanna

I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

Yeeeah

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

[Chorus]
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest [x2]

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

[Chorus]

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

[Chorus x2]

Hosanna in the highest

Love you Matt

It's been a whole year since our wedding! And what a year it has been. Lost a job, lost Matt's dad, lost our home, planned a wedding, got married, got a job, got a house, got a baby boy on the way. Talk about learning a lesson on being patient. It was not easy.

As I write this I'm in such a happy place. I'm going on a date with my husband tonight. Then were celebrating our daughter's third birthday tomorrow. Life is really good. I know now for sure that Matt and I can get make it through the good times and the bad.

Poor, rich, young, old, I love him.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever!

-Psalm 136-1

I would cry tears of JOY

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.


Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

What I Hope For

Matt and I on our wedding night. Our 2 year old Violet was one of our flower girls.

1. To have a life filled with happiness even during the rough times when at first glance it seems like there is nothing to be happy for.

One of my favorite sayings is "Stop crying. You won't see your blessings through your tears."

2. For Matt to find a full time job that can support our family again. He was laid off from Sirius the week after he proposed to me. That was December 08.

He currently has a part time temp job that pays for our car payments & a few other necessities thank the Lord. He has a couple interviews coming up real soon. I pray that God will bless him with the right job soon. We are lucky that our family takes good care of us in the meantime.

3. To own a house and a yard where Violet can blow bubbles and play on a swing.

4. For Violet to know Jesus loves her very much.

5. To have another baby or two or three. :)

6. To embrace aging and be more kind to myself.

Violet's Peepaw

That's him on the far left. This picture was taken Easter 2008 at my inlaw's church. His name is Karl. He has was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when he was 50. Last week he forgot that he is not able to drive anymore. He got a hold of keys and went for a drive. He got in a very bad wreck. No one else was injured.

He was care flighted to the hospital last Thursday. Matt's mom and Matt go there everyday to visit him in ICU. I take Violet for short visits since she can't play in a hospital. The doctors think he may be in a coma on his own. They don't know exactly what is wrong with him. He may have had a stroke before his car was struck. There is a 5 % chance that he will return to his old self. The cat scan revealed that his Alzheimer's has aged him 20 years. So, his body on the inside is 80 but he is really not even 60 years old yet.

We are praying. We don't know what God's plan is for Karl. Karl has always been a sweet Grandpa to Violet and her cousin. Karl didn't always seem "there" but his face always lit up the instant he saw little Violet. I just want him to feel peace. The Alzheimer's combined with the brain trauma and broken bones is really taking a toll on his body.

We love you Peepaw! Our prayers are with you!

Words of Wisdom

MOTIVATION is not something you find or lose, have or don't have. It is the product of how you see yourself in the world: active or passive, effective or ineffective, powerful or victimized, normal or pathological. If you want to be able to motivate yourself, you need to begin seeing yourself as ACTIVE, EFFECTIVE, POWERFUL, and NORMAL.

I love that saying. It's so true! Whenever I feel weak, I am weak. Makes sense.

Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)

This is a great verse to read when your feeling sad or stressed. GOD is always there for me!

YOU MAKE YOUR OWN OPPORTUNITIES!!!!

Your destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice.
It's not something you wait for, but rather something you pursue.

Don't wait for extraordinary opportunities.
Seize common occasions and make them great.

Opportunities sometimes come disguised in the form of misfortune
or temporary defeat.

Start where you are.
You're at this moment standing right in the middle of opportunity.

Act on your dreams and you can have them.

- Max Steingart

For Michael

Michael Williams October 30, 1984 - October 20, 2008

I lit a candle for my cousin and his family tonight. I know they are missing him and heartbroken over their loss. I can't stop sending prayers up to heaven for them! I know my cousin is in Heaven. I'm grieving for Michael's family and little girl that will always remember him. I don't know how much she can understand right now at the tender age of three. Tomorrow is the funeral. It will be hard for everyone.

Lord, help us through these hard times. We probably will never understand why some are taken at a young age or so suddenly. But we can find comfort in You. Amen.

I just read my mom's newest blog. And I just cried tears of joy. If you are a believer in Christ, you will understand. Here is what she wrote tonight.

"Tonight Jeff and I went to the visitation for my nephew, Michael at the funeral home. The place was packed with family and friends. It was a precious sight to see. As Jeff and I stood, saying our last goodbyes to Michael, a little girl about 7 or 8 came up to us. She didn't know me, but I recognized her right away. She was the spitting image of her mother, Lisa, who is Michael's older cousin on his mother's side. The little girl came and stood between us and Michael and then looked at Michael and looked closely at us and said, "are you friends of his?" I said, "I am his Aunt Julie, his daddy's sister." She said, "Oh." And then paused for a second, "Did you know that Michael's horse also died in the accident?" I said, yes. Then she said the sweetest thing I will probably ever hear. This little girl said something profound. She said, "I am so happy that Michael knew Jesus and asked Him into his heart so now he can live in heaven. I think he is probably riding his horse right now and he is happy."

This little girl just proves to me more that God sends us comforting messages even in the littlest ways.